Can Women Be Bad in Bed?

Can Women Be Bad in Bed?

May 9th, 2012 // 3:52 pm @

Excluding a pungent aroma, I don’t think women can be bad in bed. They just can’t. A number of men disagree but I don’t understand how when most people’s measurement for a pleasurable experience, an orgasm, is almost 125% guaranteed every time for a man; whereas for a woman, it’s 50/50 at best. This is like being thirsty and being upset because you were offered water instead of red Kool-aid with a twist of lime. At least you got to drink! She was thirsty and you offered her salt and vinegar chips. You must chill. Anyway, below are 5 reasons why I think it is impossible for women to be bad in bed.

1. Sorry, but if a woman comes in bad in bed and leaves bad in bed it’s your fault. I feel you should be running things anyway. That’s my stance on life and it extends to the bedroom. In my opinion, there are only women that are more talented in the bedroom than other women. If the woman can’t ride for instance, flip her over and take control or be willing to teach her. She must have learned (or not learned) somewhere and if she learned incorrectly, rather than complain about it, fix it. If you don’t have the time, patience, or will to fix it that’s fine. It’s also your fault, because she’s going to keep right on being wack until some dude teaches her otherwise. That girl you enjoyed so much before? Guess what? Some dude taught her and it might have been Yeezy.

Did you massage the easy button first?

2. It’s dry. Like most dry things in life, add water. Of course, by water, I mean lube. You can find a preferred brand of choice, but I personally recommend Astroglide. Assuming this isn’t a one night stand, you might also want to gain a better understanding of why she’s dry. Is this every time or some time? What changed between the floods and the droughts? In most cases, here’s looking at you, kid.

3. It’s loose. I think “loose” is a misnomer. By this logic, any woman who has ever had a child is ruined and not only does that not make sense, it’s not true. The term itself seems like nothing more than an urban legend. Can it be loose? Sure, but relative to what assuming she’s not a virgin? Most men have been in some loose good stuff and some tight bad stuff, so that’s not really a defining factor in and of itself. Instead, I’ve found most men and women use this phrase to coerce or diss a woman, albeit inaccurately.  Truthfully, most men over the age of 15 I know aren’t worried about how loose or tight it was in terms of enjoyment. Of course, it’s possible I hang out with a bunch of goons.

4. She just lays there. (Please refer to #1). You watch too many adult films. Not every woman is going to flip off a balance beam onto your [Richard], fold herself into a pretzel, spin 180 degrees and ride it cowgirl, sir. Are there girls out there like that? Sure. If you’re not with that girl though, whose fault is that? So there’s no confusion, I’m looking you dead in the face right now. Keeping it real, you’re probably not with her because you couldn’t handle her, more than likely, in or out of the bedroom. Conversely, I’ve heard any number of women making fun of any number of mattress actresses, like Kim Kardashian for example. That’s fine.  However, until I can see your tape for comparative analysis, I can’t take your grandiose claims for much more than a grain of salt because you might suck, and not in the good way, just as poorly.

Furthermore, I’ve had women who just laid there – which usually means she wasn’t as active as other women, because if a woman is just lying there she might literally be dead – who were as good or better than women who flipped all across the room and acted like women they saw on TV. If you grade sexual gratification by how much your woman moves around and not by how much connection you have with her, then yes, I can see how you might be disappointed. On the other hand, if you view your woman as more than a collection of holes, then the experience should generally be enjoyable for both partners even if the trailer isn’t rockin every single time.

5. The exception to the rule. In making this list, I realized there is one way for a woman to be bad in bed and that is if she somehow embodies #1 – 4. This, however, has literally never happened to me.

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