Fall In Love With Your Husband Again- pt 2

Fall In Love With Your Husband Again- pt 2

October 25th, 2012 // 3:32 pm @

Get Ready to Crush on Your Husband

An amazing thing about love: You can be together for  years and suddenly feel third-date-hot for each other. How to bring on that  super-charged state? Try these ideas–they’re like anti-aging for your  relationship.

Another way to zap yourself into the infatuation zone? Fake it till you make  it with some intentional touchiness. It worked for Shana MacDonald Davis, a yoga  instructor from Seattle who’s been married for 13 years and says that in the  beginning, whenever her husband said something shockingly brilliant, she’d flip  into crush mode. “I assumed that energy would always be present, but after a few  years it started to wane,” she says. “It took going through a couple of periods  without much affection for us to realize that sometimes you have to make time to  cuddle or have sex even if you’re not in the mood. It can spark the alchemy, and  believe me, you’re always happy afterward!”

The single biggest recommendation from experts and couples: Learn something  new together. A recent study shows that the more a person feels like they’re  learning and growing with their partner (a process called “self-expansion”), the  more satisfied they are with that relationship. According to one of the authors,  Dr. Gary Lewandowski, the need to broaden our horizons is inherent, and having a  partner who can help you do that is incredibly gratifying.

Now, this doesn’t mean you should take a cue from The  Bachelor and start couples’ skydiving. Aleeta Lee, who’s been with her  husband for 19 years, says that when the juice started to drain from their  high-energy love life, she and her husband made a point to begin doing more fun  things, big and small, together. “Sometimes we meet up for an unexpected drink  after work, or we walk around the city without a plan, like we did before we had  our kid. Recently, we took a wine- and cheese-tasting class, and I got a charge  out of seeing him get into it. And we got to drink a lot of wine, which never  hurts.”

Another crazy-simple tactic: Change your outlook on the things that annoy you  about your other half. Monica Beilanko, whose popular blog “The Girl Who” documents how she and her musician  husband met and married within weeks, tells me, “I had eagles in my stomach.  Pterodactyls! I remember watching his forearms moving as he played guitar  onstage with his band and I was just a goner. The first time he talked to me, I  nearly fainted.” Now, eight years and two kids later, she says sometimes it  takes an act of will to bring those feelings on. “When he’s said something  numskulled and I’m spiraling down the angry tunnel of all the things that bother  me, I try to change my inner dialogue. I think about the great things he’s done,  like building me a cool barn-wood headboard for Christmas. And it’s hard to hate  the guy who feeds your babies pancakes while impersonating Michael Bolton. I’m  not saying it brings full-on butterflies–but moths.”

Monica’s definitely on to something. A study by anthropologist Helen Fisher,  Ph.D., that compared the brains of people who remained in love with their  partners to those who hadn’t, showed a lack of activity in the prefrontal  cortex–the area of the brain associated with critical thinking–in the former  group. Meaning, the people who stayed happy did so by maintaining “positive  illusions,” i.e., not being overly critical.

Say you’re aggravated at your husband’s habit of talking to strangers, or how  long it takes him to do simple things, or that he can’t wash clothing without  destroying it. Try to remember that those traits might also be responsible for  his openness, thoroughness, or willingness to try things he’s not good  at–qualities you admire and rely on.

Ironically, sometimes it’s that very reliability that sets off the sparks.  Sara Voorhees, a movie critic whose 43-year marriage continues to blossom,  recalls how seeing March of the Penguins led to a eureka  moment: “There is a part of the movie where the mother has to transfer the egg  to the father. It’s a crazy process–slippery and dangerous and so many of the  eggs just don’t make the transfer. But once that father has the egg, he really  has it. He huddles over it through a month of freezing winds and storms and  everything else Mother Nature can throw his way. And I remember watching this  onscreen and thinking, That Emperor penguin is my husband. That is  exactly what he did, what he does, what he will always do for us. That is  the hallmark of everything that has kept me loving him for all these years.”

So maybe you’ll get a thrill from seeing your partner in a brand-new way, or  maybe you’ll feel a jolt when he’s his truest self. Whatever the cause, be sure  to recognize that rush of lust and longing when it happens. And when you get  home, do something about it.

“We were talking about something banal when he turned to me and said, ‘You  really are my best friend.’ I felt this rush.”

It’s hard to hate the guy who feeds your babies pancakes while impersonating  Michael Bolton.”

And all he did was remember to get milk…A late-onset crush may inspire you  to revisit high school tricks–backseat, anyone?

Courtesy of Redbookmag.com

Category : Blog

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