Dear Mr Big

Dear Mr Big

January 19th, 2012 // 12:12 pm @

Dear Mr Big,

I am writing this letter to complain about a few things.

  1. My husband no longer speaks to me and I fear that we may be on the road to splitsville.  Why you ask?  Well, since you are considerably bigger than he is; he has expressed concern on several occasions about the condition of my kitty after your visits.
  2. I am also annoyed because while, sexy, you are not husband material and I’m not sure that you can count to ten.  So, now I am in a bit of a quandary.
  3. Last, and most important!  I am annoyed that in your position as my mister, (male mistress), you are the perfect mate.  No back talk, no dirty clothes, dirty dishes, whining etc.

I am going to have to run.  I think my husband just came home.


Thanks for complicating my life.


Dear Mr Big,

I would first like to thank you for getting my wife out of the house, away from work, and Wednesday Bible study.  I’ve grown quite tired of the old broad and definitely appreciate the extra help in the bedroom.  If I had to sleep with her one more time…you know the rest.  I’ve packed her bags and will be sending her to you.  She’s not a good cook, doesn’t iron, and snores loudly.  But, hey, at least you two have the bedroom under control.

Aaw dam, she’s nagging me from the other room.

Thanks for everything.


Dear Jason and Brenda,

Please keep her!  I am just the maintenance man.  I cannot afford, nor do I desire your wife.  I actually think her brother is kinda cute.  Do you guys think I have a chance?

Waiting for Eric.


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